


Deadpool and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by ChaseFan217



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, SpideyPoolWeek, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 19:21:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4717538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaseFan217/pseuds/ChaseFan217
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool was having a bad day. Like, really bad. It was a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day. It started off relatively decent, but the writer just had to make it take a turn for the worst. How he ended up at the Avengers Tower in a booster seat at Tony Stark's wet bar being denied drinks by Spiderman he'll never know. (All we know is that the author is a dick for finally delivering on that prompt story; by whom, neither we nor Chasey-wasey can seem to remember, but we did remember to give'em a shout out... SHOUT OUT!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. TGIF

**Author's Note:**

> Well, apparently it's Spideypool Week and NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME! Side Note: Chapters will be uploaded as soon as I get through writing and will be edited at a later date.

Deadpool was having an awesome day! Like, really awesome! It was a magnificent, terrific, absolutely perfect, very good day. He was getting to fight with his friendly neighborhood Spider-babe and his role model, Captain America... Okay, so maybe role model was stretching it a bit, but defiantly idol! Yes, idol! And the Avengers were there! And a..... Deadpool cocked his head to the side and lowered his guns just a little bit in thought..... (I'm still not exactly sure what that thing is.) **[A Kaiju?]** (A Kaiju is really the only way of explaining it.) _{Strange beast, definitely.}_

 

"Definitely." Deadpool nodded and went back to shooting at it.

 

Meanwhile, Spidey was trying to web up its feet while Hawkeye was shooting at its eyes, and Ironman was trying to find other weak points on it while the Hulk kept whaling on its side and lower back.

 

(Now that I think about it, it really looks kinda like Godzilla mixed with the monsters outta Pacific Rim.) _{That was a good movie}_ **[My thoughts exactly.]** Deadpool kept firing off bullets as he kept up his internal and external dialogue. "Hey, why are we still shooting if we don't know this thing's weak spot?" Deadpool asked the boxes aloud. Both boxes made unintelligent sounds. Deadpool hummed in thought and kept shooting.

 

He surveyed the battle again to see where everyone was at; Black Widow and Falcon were getting people back and helping set up a perimeter, while Captain America was giving orders to New York's finest. Spidey and Hawkeye where still over on the monster's right side doing their thing, while Ironman and Hulk were on its left side; Ironman shooting off a few well-placed repulsor rays in some areas of the creature's body, and small missiles in others. (OOO, missiles!) _{Yay, explosions!}_ **[Cue the magic pouches.]**

 

Deadpool tucked his guns back in the holster and pulled a gigantic missile-launcher from out of the readers' off-view screenshot, "Say hello to my little friend!" _{Another good movie.}_ **[If you're into those kinds of movies.]** and fired the missile at the monster's gonads. **[Why the gonads?]** _{Because it's funny!}_ (No. Well, yeah, it kinda is. Heh, but I'm thinkin' a lizard thingy like that has to be weakest in its underbelly, and the groin is one of the weakest points for any animal, right?) **[I don't know if that's entirely accur-]** _{Right!}_ Deadpool nodded in self-satisfaction at his logic.

 

When the creature was finally defeated and the Avengers plus one Deadpool were back at Avengers Tower, Cap was giving him a lecture on how completely dangerous that was and questioning how he even acquired, let alone, managed to carry something like that concealed on his person. Deadpool didn't care about all that though, because he was in the Avengers Tower and his idol was talking to him! (Eek!) _{Omigosh, Omigosh, Omigosh, Omigosh, Omigosh!}_ **[Stop fangirl-ing and pay attention! He just asked us something.]** (Oh, crap.)

 

"Duh…" Deadpool responded.

 

Stark smirked from behind the Captain while the others were all standing around shaking their heads at him. "Smooth Deadpool," Spiderman teased from up on the ceiling, "Smooth as chunky peanut butter."

 

"What? You don't like chunky peanut butter?" Deadpool harrumphed, "And here I thought we had a lot in common."

 

"Wade," Captain America cut back in, "Do you think you could help us-"

 

"YES! D’OHMYGOD, YES!"

 

"Listen." The Captain insisted, as if he was talking to child, "We need your help with this mission. Seeing as how your friend Bob was HYDRA he should know something about this."

 

Deadpool chuckled a little. "I wouldn't call him friend. He's mooooore like a pet really... or slave. Minion’s more PC though."

 

Captain America had pulled off his mask now and was back to being Steve Rogers. He looked at Deadpool and started talking again, only instead of just talking to him like a child, he was talking to him like a particularly slow child. Deadpool didn't like that. He wasn't a child, let alone a special needs one; although there were others who would argue otherwise. (Thanks Chase.) _{Meanie!}_ **[Pay attention.]** "We really need your help with getting Bob to give us information on the layout of this structure and what kind of weapons HYDRA is working on. We know he has contacts still inside, so he should know something."

 

"Pssh! I can do you one better than that, and bring Bob along with us on the mission!"

 

"No! That's not what I-" Deadpool was already out the door and gone, "meant."

 

Tony clapped Steve on the shoulder. "Well, at least we'll be getting the help we need."

 

"Yeah, and Deadpool." Quipped Spiderman, "Knowing him, his help," Spiderman air quoted, "probably won't be much help."

 

"He helped today with that monster." Captain Rogers defended.

 

"Almost helped kill me you mean! Seriously, who aims at a monster's crouch?!" The walk-crawler shrieked in anger.

 

~~~~~

 

Deadpool busted down the apartment door that belonged to Bob. The quivering mess of green and yellow spandex exclaimed and immediately hid himself behind the side of the couch that was away from the now exploded door. (Heh, cute.) _{D'aww, he still thinks he can hide from us!}_ **[Pathetic.]** "Bob, ole buddy, ole pal, ole friend o' mine!" Deadpool exclaimed. "I need your hel- HEY!" Bob was wiggling out of the fire escape window and running down the steps. "Bob! It's me! Why are you running away?" **[Because he remembers us.]** _{What's that supposed to mean?}_

 

Deadpool ran across the room and dived out of the opened window. He landed in a dumpster on the other side of the alley and popped up, "Huh, convenient. Thanks writer." Deadpool climbed out of it and glared at Bob when the man neared the bottom of the rusted metal stairs. He pulled one of his guns out and popped a shot off as the ex-HYDRA agent tried to run back up the steps. He wasn't going to hurt the man, he just wanted to keep him from running away. "So like I was saying; Bob, ole buddy," Deadpool punctuated with another gunshot, "ole pal," and another, whilst walking simultaneously closer, "ole friend o’ mine, I need your help."

 

"M-m-m-m-my h-h-help?" Bob stuttered, nearly paralyzed with fear.

 

Deadpool nodded. "Yeah."


	2. Dear Saturday, I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2's up! I know, that was fast.

The next day (Because Chase is too lazy to write filler and wants to skip straight to the point.) Deadpool was back at the Avengers Tower with one HYDRA Bob in tow. Deadpool kept ringing the doorbell yesterday and talking to the nice lady at the reception area, but for some reason they wouldn't allow him back in. So that's why today Deadpool came back and broke in with Bob; whom he'd had Weasel put a shock collar on because he kept trying to run away. And Deadpool had the remote which was the only way to get it off. (Convenient.) **[Very.]** _{I love it when our life's easy.}_ (So does the writer apparently.)

 

So there the Merc was, with his pet- I mean friend- I mean minion- sitting on a couch in Stark's living quarters in the dark. **[Why are we sitting in the dark?]** (Because it adds to the dramatic affect.) _{I can already imagine the looks on the Avengers’ faces!}_ Just as Deadpool was about start bouncing up and down in anticipation on the couch, Tony Stark came walking into the living room messing around on his Stark Phone.

 

"JARVIS can you get the lights?"

 

"Certainly, sir." Came the cool British accent of the AI. "And sir, while we're on the matter of this room, Deadpool seems to have evaded my security system... Again."

 

"Wow, you're robot sounds angry." Deadpool stated, getting Stark to jump slightly. Tony watched the mercenary pause and talk to himself. "Huh? ...Well I know he's not a robot now, but in Age of Ultron he becomes one. What you mean android?! What's the difference?! There's no difference, they're the same thing! Yes they are!"

 

Tony eyed the unstable man and fidgeted. A man in a HYDRA uniform whimpered at the mercenary’s side on the couch. "Okay, this is getting weird." Tony mumbled to himself. Not wanting to be alone in the same room with him for much longer, he sent out a mass text to the Avengers telling them that Deadpool had broken in again and brought along his sidekick. Minutes later all the Avengers that were free were sitting in a conference room with Deadpool and Bob. Spiderman was staying on the ceiling out of Deadpool’s reach who, by the way, kept making kissy faces at him. Hawkeye had his feet kicked up on the table with his purple shades pushed up and playing what looked like, from Spiderman’s point of view at least, Candy Crush. Black Widow was sitting beside Hawkeye and keeping a suspicious eye on the dynamic dipsticks. (Really Chase?! Dipsticks?) Captain America was at the head of the table with Stark talking quietly and looking at some kind holographic map JARVIS had pulled up on the top of the table.

 

Bob quivered beside of Deadpool and jumped under the table when the Captain finally spoke. “Okay! Bob… Bob?” The man in question popped his head back up slowly. “Umm, can you tell us what you know about this facility? It’s located in Canada-“

 

“OH CANADA!” Deadpool cut in.

 

“Here we go.” Hawkeye mumbled.

 

Spiderman’s glare at the regenerating degenerate only deepened as he plugged his ears. “I knew this would happen.” the wall-crawler muttered.

 

After Captain America _finally_ got Deadpool to stop bellowing out his national anthem, they continued on with the “meeting.” **[It’s in quotes because it’s more like a daycare center at this point.]** _{Hey!}_ (Give us a little credited, we’ve been being mature for the last few minutes.) “Now if all goes according to plan and Bob gets the information,” Captain Rogers explained “we should be able to penetrate this side of blah blah blah blah blah…” **[Penetrate.]** Deadpool snickered. “Penetrate.”

 

Spiderman groaned form his position on high up on the wall. “Hate to interrupt ya Cap, but you shouldn’t waste your breath trying to explain something like a plan to Deadpool… You really shouldn’t waste your breath on trying to explain anything to him.”

 

Deadpool stuck his bottom lip out. “Quit pickin’ on me Spidey. I know you like me ‘n’ all, but can’t you be a little more mature in your flirting tactics?”

 

Spiderman sputter. “I- I am **not** flirting with you!”

 

Hawkeye chuckled. “Yeah, Webhead, lay off’em.”

 

Spiderman whipped his head towards the purple-clad superhero. “I am not flirting with him!”

 

“Your voice is getting high.” Black Widow commented coolly with a devilish glint in her eye.

 

“Why are you guys picking on me now?”

 

“Ah-hah!” Deadpool pointed a finger at the web-slinger. “So you were picking on me that means you were flirting.”

 

“I was not Flirting with-!” Spiderman screeched.

 

“Okay! Enough!” The Captain jumped in.

 

“Yeah.” Tony commented, unfolding his arms. “Quit flirting you two, we have work to do. Bob!” The man jumped. “We need you to get that intel from your contacts ASAP. Widow, Hawkeye, you know what to do. In the meantime…” Tony waved his hand in a vague gesture between Spiderman and Deapool. “You keep an eye on him.”

 

“Right.” Deapool answered.

 

Spiderman rolled his eyes from under his mask. “He was talking to me you psycho.”

 

“Spiderman.” Captain America cut in, before the two could start another fight. “Just keep an eye on each other and try to stay out of trouble.”

 

“Are you saying that my little Spidey is a naughty boy? That’s interesting.” Deadpool mused.

 

Spiderman groaned. “I can’t stay out trouble, not with him around.” The red and blue superhero pointed to Deadpool. “Trouble follows him around like-“

 

“Hey!” Deadpool protested as he stood up from his seat. “Trouble doesn’t follow me around, it usually gets there before I do. I-I just have bad time s’all.”

 

The Captain looked at the two as everyone else filed out of the room. It was one of his special Super Soldier stares, the kind that says “I won’t stand for any of your crap.” The stare made both of the men swallow hard. Captain America looked from one to the other and then spoke in his famous commanding tone, “Stay out of trouble.” Then left the room behind Stark.

 

Only Spiderman, Deadpool, and Bob remained; the latter of whom was already on his phone textings and starting to make phone calls. Spiderman came crawling down the wall to stand in front of Deadpool. He stood full height in front of the Merc, who was still a few inches taller than him. The Merc arched his brow expectantly.

 

Spiderman sighed, this was turning into a very bad day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: My cat just sliced open my finger, so now updating is gonna be slow going because I was writing these as I was uploading them. :/ Sorry.


End file.
